I’ve had the chance recently to ponder some of life’s biggest mysteries and questions….you know, the “who, what, where, why, and how” of life. I can’t say that I’ve had any great epiphanies, but the wondering, in and of itself, is a good thing I suppose.
I guess the biggest question I’ve pondered is “Who Am I?” I really don’t know the answer completely, but it did make me start thinking more about who I am NOT.
I am NOT the perfect wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, employee, etc…..Now, please don’t think I ever claimed to be, but somewhere along the line, many people in my life seemed to start expecting me to be. And I guess I started expecting me to be, too. I’ve been expected to ALWAYS say and do things according to someone else’s expectations, and while I certainly want to always be worthy of people’s respect, I know that realistically, I can’t. I’ve learned that I’m okay with that. In this world we all do the best we can with the information we have at any given time right where we are and the decisions we make reflect that.
I’ve also learned that I am NOT a stagnant person. I keep growing and changing and the things I enjoy doing keep growing and changing, too. I’ve found a passion for photography. I’ve found I love being with people more than I used to. I’ve found I love lots of different types of music. I’ve found I love wearing really hot shoes with really high heels. I’ve found I like wearing skirts better than I like wearing pants. None of those things make me a “bad” person, just maybe different from the person you’ve always known. And because I’m not stagnant, these things will change one day, too.
I’ve also discovered, in all the pondering and wondering, that I’m NOT going to accept anything less than pure, unadulterated happiness. Now, this one is not so easy and requires more Life Questions….like, “what is happiness?” I realize that all of us have sad and depressing events in our lives and circumstances that drain us of positive energy and emotion, but the flip side of dealing with that is having a soul-deep, joyful spirit. How you get that varies with each person I imagine, but I have learned that being positive and happy and radiating energy and enthusiasm go a long way to making ME happy. I guess the long and short of this is that you get back what you give. I don’t want to get back anything other than HAPPY!
So, I’ve rambled sufficiently even though I thought I had a clear vision for this blog entry….thanks for bearing with me, and let me know your thoughts.
Peace!
Lisa Ann
